By the time I had considered, reconsidered and finally decided on my multiple undergarments, layer upon layer of inside ( yes, VERY inside !) garments and settled on my outer vesture, I guess I closely resembled an ageing yeti if not an oversize and very unflattering Michelin woman. Thankfully, my appearance wasn't my greatest concern as I ventured out into the great outdoors this inclement and extremely unforgiving Winter morning. Unlocking the farm gate was my unexpected first challenge.....with so many clothes, how on earth am I expected to locate my key chain ? Once located...the padlock was inconveniently and very securely frozen up, clearly today was going to be..um...interesting.
Before my first challenge (the gate) had been mastered, Daisy Mae the Dexter Cow had informed me in no uncertain terms that all was not well in her world. Her water bucket was frozen solid, her hay manger was depleted and she was in serious need of A MAN ! Little Sirloin, her red Dexter calf was clearly not what she was looking for, her hormones were apparently rampant... and not a testosterone loaded male in sight. Not fully convinced whether her issues were hormonal, carnal or simply dehydration, I concluded that, since no bull was within 20 miles, her hormones were something I had no control over and every hose pipe in the Pacific North West would be frozen... there was not a lot I could do to help her clearly frustrated condition.
I have a purpose here on the Ranch..I would sincerely like to say that it is an executive position..but, in reality, I am the chief, undisputed horse poop scooper ! Usually my daily mission is to scoop the poop in the horse stalls which generally isn't too much of a challenge...today however, my mundane poopy chore became more a mission, my stall brushes had frozen up, the horse apples were like golf balls, every frozen horse apple had frozen solid to the stall mats and every equine inmate appeared to have seriously manic issues. Not fun. Combine glued to the stall mat poop to sub zero temperatures and frenzied horses and I was seriously reconsidering my vocation...then old T Bone our doddery old centenarian just put the proverbial icing on the cake by stomping on my frozen toes. It was a wonderful morning...everyone should be a rancher..in the Winter.....NOT !!! ( wonder if I still have my job in a nice warm office in the city ?) NOT...I wouldn't swap this job for all the gold in the world, just wish it wasn't QUITE so cold tomorrow, God...please ?
Take care, keep safe, M xx