I’ve got cuts and scrapes bumps and bruises, I’ve learnt to swing a hammer (without causing myself further grievous bodily harm), hold the right end of a crowbar and wrench out rusty old nails and screws. I’ve balanced on a ladder as it sank into ten inches of soft smelly chicken poop and brushed off powdered poop that ambushed me from above. Today I discovered that a drill has an “in and an out”, huffed and puffed when the screws stayed firmly “in” despite my determination to get them “out”… and discovered operator’s error !   I’ve had my head wrapped in sticky cobwebs and had my nose just a little too close to Roland the rat’s ( and his extended family) warren of holes. ….but I’ve had fun !!!  I’ve become a demolition expert and I think I’ll be on the lookout for my next project because I have nothing left to demolish. The rotten old boards and rusty archaic wiring that was the chicken coop is no more. We have an open space…. just waiting for a new home, my hard won plum and two cherry trees. Greg cautiously advised me (just in case I thought it would be ready tomorrow) that we still have a lot of work before my new chicken/turkey habitat will match my vision….I can wait…maybe next week ?? (Why is Greg laughing ?)

Every year as the formation eating team (sheep) and their lambs are turned out into the pasture we find at least a couple of rebels amongst the brat pack. Without fail when all the mommas, fat and sassy from the lush Spring grass head back to the barn, the insurgents will head in the opposite direction. As an unconcerned momma sinks her head into dinner, disconnected juniors will be ensuring that Bran the Border Collie gets his evening exercise with three circuits of the pasture. The lambs get to be brats, Bran gets to play sheep dog and we get our routine half hour of panic…it’s all good. Then one day eventually and unexpectedly it all goes to plan… the mommas with compliant lambs at foot all point in the right direction, back to the barn. Sadly Bran the not too accomplished but very enthusiastic sheep dog hadn’t been forewarned today was “the” day or of the change of plan and as the ewes and lambs raced straight for a warm dry barn, unauthorized and very out of control, Bran raced for the field to round up the inevitable miscreants….that weren’t !! Round and round, tail waving like a banner, ears flat against his head Bran ran, clearly the dog was on a mission like every day that had gone before…but something was different, something had changed…. where were his lambs ? After several minutes and not a furry lambs tail to be found Bran screeched to a grinding halt, sat down and looked to Greg for direction.  Poor Bran…one day Bran, one day it will all go to plan.

Time to wrap up, Bran has headed out to water a tree or three, the cuckoo clock has told us it’s past bedtime and 5am will come all too soon. Take care, keep safe, M

It has been drawn to my attention by multiple would be readers that I have been negligent and the “almost daily diary” is currently NOT almost daily. It is my understanding that early morning coffee just isn’t the same without an up to date account of daily life on our ranch and I’m sorry…. I’ll try to do better….but we have been really busy !!

I had an idea…my ideas always send Greg into a tailspin, he is well aware that my ideas always involve adding another item to his priority list and I’m pretty sure that he has a prearranged list of responses to try to give me a million reasons why whatever it is I’m suggesting is not a viable proposition. I tried the direct approach first and just threw it out there as Greg was passing by. I knew he had heard when he screeched to a halt…..and predictably launched into multiple reasons why fruit trees could not possibly be planted along the chicken shack fence line. Mmmmm…..not going well, clearly the direct approach was not going to get me my trees, time to work on the charm offensive. Charm was warmly received but Greg was holding his ground and I was no closer to my vision of cherry blossom in my stable yard….drastic measures were required, I was losing ground and Greg still had 500,000 reasons why my trees were a non starter. Generally an easy going character, it is a very rare occasion when I stamp my English feet but when circumstances warrant a little show of temper tantrum, I can stamp….  so poor Greg got the option….”Greg…either I get my fruit trees or I’m going to have a hissy fit”. I’m happy to report, two cherry trees and one plum tree are in their pots in the barnyard and I will have my trees on the chicken shack fence line. I sort of feel guilty now….but they WILL look great !!

My new trees have inspired me and I have been hard at work with crowbar hammer and pliers…up to my ankles in chicken poo. Destruction is a new experience for me and as I reviewed the scale of  demolition I had achieved, noted my scrapes bruises and bangs I could see my vision taking shape. I love it when a plan comes together !!! Greg says it could be a couple of months before my new chicken yard is completed and my two cherry trees and my plum tree are in situ….we’ll see !

Time for bed, it’s been a long day. Take care, keep safe, M                 

The sun was out !!! inch by inch, marbley white skin was beginning to peep out, layer after layer of outer clothing was shed as the thermometer rose and a quick check of the freezer confirmed a substantial supply of Otter Pops just waiting for Summer. Winter has got old, warm  padded fleeces and fluffy woollies were folded and stored away until the cold winds and frigid temperatures returned but clearly Winter isn’t done with us yet.  The pastures and barns are coated in a layer of white, crisp icy frost. Everything looks still and very cold but behind the tall cedars there is a golden glow as the sun rises….it’s going to be a lovely day !

Tom the turkey and Mrs. Christmas apparently got it right ! Tom the Black Palm Heritage Turkey has, for the past months spent a great deal of time posing and strutting in circles around poor Mrs Christmas. The hapless and apparently unimpressed turkey hen just kept a turkey feather’s distance ahead of him and seemingly ignored his majestic testosterone display. Tom’s eloquent turkey loving calls and drumming fell on deaf ears but it seems that Mrs. Turkey just couldn't run fast enough and our incubator currently houses about 25 big speckled turkey eggs. Last night the first turkey poult began to hatch, a tiny crack appeared in the shell followed by a little chip. From inside the egg, the inner membrane could be seen moving as a miniature turkey struggled to hatch. This morning hopefully a fluffy little turkey will be waiting for us.


Today I begin the process of demolition ! I’m excited !! The old chicken shack has, since we arrived here been an eyesore, rotten wood fencing and rusting old wire have taunted me as project after project has been elevated to the top of the priority list and the chicken coop remained untouched.

Big brother John came to the ranch yesterday, once a week he volunteers his time (away from his honey do list) puts on his silly hat and prays that we will find him a project far away from poop. Yesterday his prayers fell on deaf ears and brother John was recruited to assist in the big chicken roundup…..can’t get much closer to poop than that !!! The instantly un co-operative hens were being relocated from their condemned accommodation to the four star Chicken “Roost with a View” and they weren’t happy ! After an initial sharp intake of breath, (not sure from shock or being too close to Rodney the ram in the rut !!) big brother John took on the challenge like a professional. Like a praying mantis he perfected his pounce on the unsuspecting chickens, his eyes looked one way, the bird dropped it’s guard and before it had a chance to squawk it found itself securely locked in a transit cage. It wasn't alone….46 others found themselves very reluctantly bouncing in a cage, in a trailer, John and I perched precariously on the tailgate, across the ranch to their new home. John’s funny hat got discomboobled, he was savaged by a particularly ungrateful hen, he ( horror of horrors !!!) had a generous  donation of  nasty chicken poop on his face but big brother was still smiling. We are hoping that his Tuesday’s visits will not result in a severe case of PTSD and will ensure the availability of a generous dose of Ibuprofen and Aleve…just in case.

John didn’t only risk life and limb in the chicken house. His other missions (should he accept them) included zipping around the pasture, spreading the poop ( oops, more pooop !!) and moving not quite so fast on the little John Deere ride on mower through the high grass in the orchard. Happily the orchard is now mowed…unhappily, the mower chewed up and spat out an innocent irrigation pipe and wiped out all the markers and stakes in my vegetable garden. Call in the no blame policy…right ?

Time to go, Bran the dog has gone out to water my roses and the cuckoo clock says it’s bed time. Take care, keep safe, M

Sunday already and with the weather starting to look a little more like Spring the barnyard, orchards and pastures are bursting into colour (color…. Ameri spell).

Thursday was designated “foot day”. At about 10am Greg headed off to try to find Mike who was going to give our bovine ladies a pedicure and was apparently taking the “scenic route”. Sadly,  strangers on the Key Peninsula could get old trying to find their way out of a landscape that consists of …trees. All the trees look the same and for someone like me who was born without an inbuilt GPS, getting lost is the norm so I am unsurprised when a left turn turns into a right turn and we receive a frantic howl for help. Mike arrived safely, following Greg in the big farm Chevi and pulling something that reminded me of an instrument designed as a medieval piece of torture complete with slings straps gears and levers. Mike shared with us that he had on occasions been stopped by State troopers who were concerned by the bizarre mechanical piece of equipment and had shared with them as with us that it is in fact a tilt squeeze for cows and not something more villainous. My innocent Jersey heifer, Misty Moo was the first “victim” and anticipating a treat she initially happily tripped her little black hooves through the gate.. but stopped abruptly when faced with the rusty black construction they were clearly expecting her to enter. NOT HAPPENING !!! Misty put on the bovine breaks, her eyes opened wide with horror and my poor cow looked at me accusingly whilst clearly searching for a quick exit. So, Greg Pulled…Mike pushed and I unsuccessfully tried persuasion with a slice of soggy white bread. Poor Misty eventually capitulated to the inevitable and unwillingly surrendered herself to the machine. Once strapped in, secured in the sling,  her little black hooves securely restrained by stout rope and her pretty little head braced, my little Jersey heifer stoically refused to acknowledge the by now even  soggier crumbling slice of white bread I was offering in reward and was clearly going to hate us forever after this experience. Daisy May, the black Dexter cow, well accustomed to entering a squeeze chute for her routine and always uneventful daily milking event, entered the strange contraption relatively easily. Things were however not going to go that smoothly, once the gears and lift began to move, once her feet left the security of terra firma and once her body became horizontal Daisy May’s inner demons all broke loose at once and our sweet Daisy became a kicking squirming black monster. Fortunately the bovine pedicure is only an annual event, I’m not convinced Mike would happily make it a more regular occurrence and I’m certain both cows are not eager to repeat the experience in a hurry…..me neither !!

Hope you enjoy the pictures. Time for me to go, the cuckoo clock has spoken. Take care, keep safe. M

Thursday evening and as the barn light comes on, the cedar trees are just a silhouette against the darkening sky and the frogs have started to croak, it’s time to reflect on the day….and the day before ( sorry, laundry and half an inch of accumulated dust took number one priority this morning !). Ruth our current WOOFER volunteer returned to the city and reality this morning after three days on the ranch, she trades taking care of a barnyard full of four legged critters for a set of four year old twins…..having had a set of twins myself many moons ago, I think we have the easier option !

We had Nascar out in the pasture  yesterday…..Ruth’s trigger finger on the accelerator button would I believe have scared the great Dale Earnhardt into retirement ( is he already retired ?) it surely didn’t scare our speed queen ! Ruth roared into Roman’s field, much to the black gelding’s horror with a rattling clanking metal rake lurching across the pasture breaking up and scattering the copious mounds of poo that he had so generously donated over the Winter months. Romans tail went up in the air and his nostrils flared as he considered the very noisy and very fast intruder that had intruded on his patch. Ruth’s hair streamed out behind her and her face displayed a mask of total concentration as she roared around the pasture. Roman wisely concluded that a Roman sized tizzy was going to serve no purpose and he settle for positioning himself in the centre of the field and turning 360 degrees on the spot to keep Ruth and her noisy four wheeler in his line of sight. I think it would be safe to assume that Ruth enjoyed her afternoon project…..and the pasture looks great !

Big brother John returned to put on his silly hat and his farm boots for another day down on the ranch. Sadly there were no more holes for him to dig (…and fill in) and the tiling had been completed on his last visit but fortunately he arrived in time to clean up the wasted hay lying moulding around the feeders and just in time for lunch had created two nasty heaps of decomposing grass which undoubtedly he will be relocating to the manure heap on his next visit. Smile. The afternoon’s assignment for our two volunteers was to help construct what hopefully will be a fence which will keep the sheep and lambs on the right side of the wire. John returned home to Gig Harbor with aching muscles and a promise of a dose of Aleve before he comes to visit next week and Ruth, still smiling broadly took a well earned hot shower and a visit to the cookie tin for a sugar rush. ( for pictures of the fencing project see diary entry 4/17 which Greg posted early. Oops) Thanks you two, it was a good day !! Oh, and Ruth will be back on Sunday for another round.

Time to go. Bran the dog has parked himself squarely in front of the door ready for his night time appointment with a tree or three and Greg is looking at the clock. Take care, keep safe, M

Before I begin this entry, our thoughts are with Boston. It is hard to comprehend  how such a terrible thing happened on the other side of the country on a beautiful Spring day. Condolences to those families who lost loved ones and those in the hospital. I think that the whole country weeps with you.

We were very fortunate, well, almost…All the horses were safe and dry in their stalls. The sheep, after an almost (that word again) perfect return migration to the barn were munching dinner in the sheep pen and the cows,  (very well rounded) in the cow barn, were contentedly chewing their cud and clearly reflecting on a busy day doing nothing. The sun had been shining, the sky had been blue, it had been a busy day at the ranch. Busily trying to find horses under a very heavy coating of rich brown mud we barely noticed the big black clouds that positioned themselves right over the barn roof. Suddenly the loudest ear shattering clap of thunder shattered the peace momentarily followed by a lightening bolt that lit up the sky. The thunder began to roll, lightening flashed, heavy hailstones resounded against the metal roof of the barn and the horses FREAKED ! Player the grey gelding whirled and whinnied…Quest the great  bay Shire whinnied, his call echoing through the barn and answered by Roman who was tossing his head and stamping at his door. The storm lasted a while, the air was filled with the smell of static (can static smell ? ) suddenly all was quiet and the barn returned to calm. It was awesome !!!

 Our current WOOFER volunteer Ruth had been hard at work re creating a drain cover. Our earlier drain cover ( designed to stop stones filling the drain) had been “modified” by some visiting children who had entertained themselves by seeing just how many stones the drain could take. It appears that it took a LOT !!! The drain had to be dismantled and for a short while our “temporary” drain has bee an overturned Costco washing powder bucket. Everyone who knows me knows just how much I love the word “temporary” which invariably means semi permanent ! Young Ruth got to work and before long the sound of the radial arm saw and the drill joined the usual farm noises as a very determined Ruth strived to finish her project. The finished masterpiece passed Greg’s scrutiny and even earned a compliment but Ruth was heard to comment ruefully that it had been “finished” several times. Well done Ruth, I love it and I hated that bucket !

So much to tell but I’m timed out ! Take care, keep safe. M

Bran the Border Collie, had disgraced himself. When our over enthusiastic but under helpful sheep dog had successfully created even more chaos and mayhem than we already had, a decision was made. Around the livestock Bran is going to be firmly restrained on the end of a long lead rope. It isn’t that the super intelligent, smarter than you (whoever you are) dog ( I swear he was a grumpy old man in an earlier life !! ) doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. It isn’t that he doesn’t understand what you are telling him to do….It’s just Bran. Bran clearly knows best and when anything moves at faster than a slow walk, our black and white canine is on the scene faster than a guided missile ready willing and very able to make the situation a lot worse than it already is.

The first days out in the pasture for our ladies and their young lambs is always “interesting”. The formation eating team line up immediately AFTER breakfast ( but not a moment before), noses through the gate, little cloven hooves ready, the ladies are ready to race to the fresh Spring grass. Sadly in their excitement…. with an open gate in front of them and the smell of grass in their nostrils our new moms forget that their lambs (1) can’t run as fast as mom and (2) don’t have a GPS to find the field and the daily rush to the pasture resembles a re run of the Kentucky Derby…..without their tiny offspring! This is where all Bran’s Christmas’s arrived at once, 18 frenzied lambs running around like headless chickens, the air full of frantic bleating and Bran had more to chase than he could ever have wished for. Ears flat against his head, ( “I can’t hear a word you are saying “) tail waving like a banner he chased the black lamb into the fence, he chased the tiny triplets around and around the barnyard, he chased another group of bewildered wailing orphans back into the barn..it was OVER !!!  Bran was firmly fastened to the end of a lead rope and like it or not our errant Border Collie WAS going to listen. Can’t treat an old dog new tricks ?…our old dog taught himself some !!

The good news, last night all the moms and the lambs returned together to the barn. No renegade dreadlocked Soay sheep heading off in the wrong direction, no brat pack of lost lambs smacking into the fence, just a nice orderly race back to dinner….and Bran firmly under control.

Got to go, take care, keep safe, M 

“Follow like sheep”…..mmmmm… right…not around here !! My last diary entry indicated that, unlike Greg who is always optimistic (about everything)….I had my reservations about turning the Soay sheep out into the pasture. Turns out…I was right to be concerned !!!
The “formation eating team” (aka the sheep) were all ready, all lined up at the gate, they had been ready at the gate for thirty minutes and it was time. The new gate funnel /anti breakout system was in place, all securely held together by bungee cords (temporary !) Ruth was ready, I was in position as back stop, Bran the border collie was beside himself with unbridled anticipation and Greg ( confident) was at the gate. It was like magic….one minute they were as one, one group of greasy dreadlocks…and then, the Soay sheep just drifted away to the south forty of the pasture. Greg opened the gate, some of our older wiser ladies headed for the food station (first come first served right ?). A bunch of lambs, seeing some mums go left and some mums go right did neither and the multi colored brat pack headed off over the hill. Bran the Border Collie exploded with excitement and bolted off after the lambs. Suffering a severe case of temporary deafness the dog completely broke up the separate groups of renegade sheep and we had sheep/lambs everywhere. The good sheep who had gone home had finished their dinner ..and everyone else’s and, seeing the inviting gate still open, left the barn and returned to the pasture to rejoin the melee. Ruth unfortunately only having two arms and two legs was unable to be in three places at once ( but made a valiant effort) and raced from gate to gate as little groups of dirty dreadlocks appeared to be drifting in the right direction. Bran the “sheep dog” (NOT) had been restrained, a dog lead had him securely tied in a square knot to a post. Greg, running up and down the hills wielding a long but not very effective stick was no longer looking confident and me……I tried to put myself where I thought (apparently wrongly) in the best place. Eventually after multiple frantic circuits of the pasture and finally (by default) united into one group, Katahdin sheep, Soay sheep and everyone’s lambs decided to take the exit route. We got to slam the gate shut as the last hairy butt bolted through and Greg said…”well, that wasn’t too bad“ REALLY ???? Thank you Ruth…it does get better ! 
Like to offer a big welcome to John who put on his silly wool hat and joined our WWOOFER ranks ..just for Tuesday. Thanks John, it was great to have you back on the ranch.
I’m timed out. Still snuffling and sniffing but it’s time to pack the eggs and get down to the barn. Take care, keep safe, M        

Mother Nature got it all right today ! All around the Ranch angry black clouds hung heavily in the sky but wall to wall sunshine flooded the barn illuminating  huge cobwebs that had been woven under cover of the Winter gloom. The barn critters, stifled by day after day of wind and rain cautiously ventured out of their warm dry pens and in the pasture the old guys, T Bone and Cooper kicked up their heels and galloped like Spring colts. The lambs sunbathed and the cows contentedly soaked up the sun whilst industriously mowing the lush green grass. On the pond, the returning pair of Canada Geese have reclaimed their exclusive spot of real estate on the island. Momma goose is lying deep and low in the feathered nest and poppa goose is busily keeping a protective guard, never straying far from the island nursery. Gertie the confused goose thankfully appears to have accepted the inevitable and swimming serenely on the glassy water with her feathered mate it seems that her infatuation with Quest the giant Shire is over.

Today was Ruth’s first day on the ranch. Ruth is our new woofer volunteer. We would like to extend a huge welcome to her and hope that she comes to love our ranch family as so many volunteers have before her. If our new WOOFER had concerns or misapprehensions about joining us, it was not apparent and Ruth enthusiastically took part in every activity in a very busy day. Clearly not intimidated by old T Bones “food NOW” face, eager to master the art of milking Daisy May the cow and Alicia the goat and confident with the huge gentle Shire horses we hope that Ruth’s first farm experience will give her very happy memories.

Possibly a slight hiccup in an otherwise very positive first day was Ruth’s first tractor lesson. In her defence, it has to be said that it was her first experience of manual transmission and clearly the largest vehicle that she has ever driven. I guess it also has to be said that Greg about had a serious medical experience as our young WOOFER was heading on a collision course with the water hydrant outside the big barn door. Oooops !!! Apparently it was very nearly a close call with the “no blame policy”. Smile.

The afternoon’s project was creating a chute system to release the formation eating team (aka  the sheep) from their Winter confinement. Wiley Coyote and Edgar the Eagle have been keeping a very attentive eye on the lambs and we have been cautious to grant them a free meal but the ewes have been anxious to get out onto the Spring grass. Letting them out will be relatively easy…..getting them back in may be a little more difficult !

Time to go, brother John has arrived, all dressed for a day at the farm. Ruth is ready and waiting and the cuckoo has spoken. Take care, keep safe, M         

I’ve been sick…..snuffly snorty and miserably sick. I’ve coughed, wheezed and complained loudly and I haven’t written the diary in almost a week. It’s tough to be creative when your nose is running like a full on tap ( fawcett), your throat feels like sandpaper, your eyes are running and your voice sounds so deep and gruff it’s as if you have had a testosterone overload…so tough I didn’t even try. Greg’s throat hurts tonight….oh no….I feel a man cold coming on and (1) it HAS to be much worse than mine was (is) and (2) I am clearly guilty of infecting him.
It has, despite my misery and infirmity been a really busy week and it’s unlikely that my short diary entry is going to do justice to all the notable events that have taken place in the space of seven days but, still snuffling and snorting I am going to try.
 Mother Nature was not smiling down on Gentle Giant Meadows Ranch and Thursday dawned with MJ, Fox 13 meteorologist jumping up and down with excitement at the impending deluge that was going to drown the Pacific Northwest. Sadly her enthusiasm was not shared by us or the sixty little kindergarteners excitedly disembarking off the big yellow school buses parked on the farm road. Discovery School in Gig Harbor had come to visit the farm and I’m sure that whatever they learnt from us…..we learnt a whole lot more from them. I read my book, “Gertie and Quest a true story” , perched precariously on a hay bale in the big cedar barn. Tiny butts perched on bales of hay listened, for the most part in silence as I turned the pages and the book’s photographs magically appeared on an old white sheet suspended by clothes pins from the highest bale. From their stalls, Quest the huge bay gelding and Lady the Shire mare, his mom, traded resonant whinny’s, an impatient Daisy May moooooed and from the sheep pen varying levels of sheep and lamb baaas were my barnyard accompaniment. Little eyes were wide with wonderment with huge smiles and gasps in awe at new experiences met around every barn corner in every pen and pasture. Little fingers gently touched the feathers of a progressively irritated broody hen who, trying desperately to be invisible was consistently plucked from her nest box. Tiny hands searched for and found warm newly laid eggs in the hen house.  Eager little hands caressed the warm woolly coat of a little brown lamb and seemingly endless carrot morsels were waved in front of the grateful muzzles of two very happy Shire horses. Lauren Jessica and Michelle our amazing conscripts…uhhh, volunteers zipped around the ranch swarmed by little ones bouncing up and down in excitement at each new experience. Thanks…we couldn’t have managed without you !! At the bubble table, intended to be a place for children needing a “calm time”……a full on bubble war broke out as a myriad of brightly colored, varying sized transparent bubbles filled the sky. Hugh McMillan the intrepid reporter for the local Key Peninsula News arrived almost with the school buses and could be found generally in the centre of a throng of children, with his camera and wearing an extensive smile throughout the visit….thank you Hugh.
Having the school visit is another way that we can say “thank you” to our amazing community and we gave our time willingly, our only request was a donation of a non perishable item of food for the Key Peninsular Community Services food bank…oh…and no disasters !!!  Discovery School were very generous and we were happy to deliver our donation to deserving members of our community. Thank you Discovery School. We had a WONDERFUL time…..but I STILL have my cold, I’m still snuffling sneezing and coughing and I’m still miserable.
Time to get this diary entry posted.  Thank you for your messages of concern. I’ll be fine.
Take care, keep safe and dry. M